Craigslist Ad – Looking for love in all the Wrong Places

Friday 20 June 2008 - Filed under Craigslist Ads

I am tired of trying to fall in love the old fashion way – the way my parents did it is so lame, and untested. Meeting at a bar, or the supermarket, or the library just doesn’t cut it anymore. How am I suppose to know within the first ten seconds of meeting you if you meet my laundry list of requirements to make you the perfect spouse for me.

Nah, meeting a girl in the real world just seems stupid. The obvious solution is craigslist – the place where hot girls spend late nights scrolling through, when they are tired of getting hit on by douche bags at the bar. I am quite certain that I will find my soul mate in the pages of craigslist (I’m also looking for an unlocked iPhone that will work on the rogers network – any hook ups?).

I am obviously a great guy, so great in fact that no girl has come close to being able to meet me in my greatness. I am, and have been told many times, hotter than Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp put together – no need to see a picture of me though, until you send me one of yourself. I have an amazing job, that vets me a lot of time to surf the net, and purchase DVD’s and other fun things online. I like the perfect balance between being independent and being overly dependent on you – I like to watch movies, cuddle, go out, let you be a lone, take care of you when you are sick, let you heal my broken soul. But enough about me, lets talk about you.

I want you to be hot – smoking hot in fact. And if you could be void of any idiosyncrasies, delusions, hangups and bad habits that would be wonderful. I want a girl who is cool if I have a “guys night out” and doesn’t question me when I come home late, or don’t call – but is also there for me when I am down, or sick, or low on cash. It would be really nice if you had your own mode of transportation – as I don’t really want to drive you around all the time. And a job would be awesome, but only if it’s a flexible job that means you can come over at my beck and call. Did I mention you should be smoking hot? If you are over 115 lbs, no need to contact me – I just know we probably wouldn’t workout… it’s just a fact. Please be the type of girl that I can take home to meet my parents, and then proceed to have sex with in my old high school bed that hasn’t seen action – well ever – while my parents are downstairs making us dinner.

I think I really am ready to fall in love – I’ve played the field enough as it is, and just haven’t found the person that meets my requirements. I look forward to seeing photo’s of you – please send a face, body, and bum shot – that me and my friends will proceed to judge. I look forward to hearing from all of you smoking hot girls, and hopefully one of you will be the girl of my dreams and we can fly to Vegas together and get married.

2008-06-20  »  admin