A Modest Opinion – Canadian News-Shmews

Monday 16 November 2009 - Filed under A Modest Opinion

I’m sure most of you were expecting I’d comment on President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize, and how he apparently won it for nothing. But, honestly, if they handed out Nobel Peace Prizes for doing nothing, then I’d have won it, plain and simple, because all I do is lie around in my underwear all day playing Rock Band (on expert, of course). I can guarantee you that Obama does far more with his days – at the very least he puts on a suit, I don’t even put pants on. So give the man a break. He won the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing hope to the entire world, ridding the new, hope filled, world of nuclear weapons (bet you didn’t know that North Korea?), and I can only assume ending world hunger – though I haven’t checked on those facts. Now think about what you’ve done in the last ten months? Exactly.

So on to the real news, which is, Stephen Harper doesn’t watch the news – or rather, Canadian news. This has some people up in arms, but seriously, who really cares about Canadian news? For instance, I read this newspaper twice a month, and usually all we publish is stories about deer eating our crops or some drab issues surrounding water. If you ask me that’s BORING! And when I watch CBC all they report on is that boring Prime Minister guy, and they won’t even report the real news about him (that he’s obviously a robot, or one of those 2012 lizard men), or they talk about some sort of boring peace-keeping mission.

So of course Harper is going to watch American news, plus if he skips the real news channels like CNN or MSNBC and just gets all his news from The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Crank Yankers (Which I don’t think has anything to do with the news, but it’s puppets making prank phone calls, which is funny) then he’s learning and being entertained at the same time (Edutainment!).

As you can tell I can get behind Harper on the Canadian news issue, but what throws me for a loop is that Harper claims he watches Canadian Drama. American News obviously beats Canadian News, every time, you can’t turn on American news without Conquest, War, Famine, and Death (wait, is that a sign of something?), that’s good news – well not good news, but entertaining news. However, I work in the Canadian Film Industry, so I know first hand that our drama is not better. Have you seen Little Mosque on the Prairie? Enough said.

Someone needs to let Harper in on the fact that American Television is a tonne better than Canadian Television, or furthermore that American Television just steals their ideas from British Television (Little Britain USA, they’re not even trying anymore.) If he’s going to waste his time watching TV, the least he could do is watch witty, intelligent, British Television. Hell, I watch The Mighty Boosh, and I don’t even get what that one’s about – but I sound cultured when I say I watch it (it’s the same reason I go to the theatre.)

So Harps, even though you probably don’t read the news either, I’m just looking out for you. Since the government has cut so much funding from the Arts, I don’t want you to get hooked on some Canadian show that’s inevitably going to get cancelled after one season. Get hooked on American TV that doesn’t know better but to string itself along. Now if you’ll excuse me, Season 19 of Survivor is on.

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Originally run in The Flying Shingle (11/06/2009)

2009-11-16  »  admin