Stearm of Consciousness – Sins of Myself

Thursday 3 December 2009 - Filed under Stream of Consciousness

I keep a list of all my sins.  It’s a running list, held in a ever growing collection of Moleskin note books.  I keep one in my back pocket at all times.  It’s a pretty comprehensive list.

10673. Slept with my ex-girlfriends roommate.
10674. Lied to my ex-girlfriend about sleeping with her roommate.

I’m not particularly religious.  I don’t even think I believe in God, or the after life. And It doesn’t even keep me in check, I’m still just as deplorable as before I started the list (Admittedly I did not go back and account for all the sins before the list).  But I feel like it’s something I should be aware of.

14568. Ate too much at dinner.
16789. Did nothing all day.

The funny thing about sin, and I think something a lot of people don’t know, is that in the eyes of God all sin is equal.  See my list doesn’t have any instance in which I’ve killed someone.  I’ve never killed someone.  But I lie a lot, I waste a shit tonne of time, I like money, and I like women.  Therefore me eating an extra piece of pie is equal to murdering someone — in the eyes of god.  It’s never made sense to me, It’s one of the reasons I could never truly believe.  I think a guy who was smart enough to create everything, would understand that eating too much and killing something don’t really weigh out evenly on the scale.

11267. Wanted to fuck the barista today.
16909. Felt really fucking good about myself today.

I guess I’m planning to one day be accountable for everything I’ve done.  All these hundreds of thousands of sins I’ll have accumulated over my life.  Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride.  I doubt I’ll ever half to write something down that I actually feel I should be held accountable for.  But, for the time being, I’ll keep writing down every sin.

2009-12-03  »  admin