A Modest Opinion — Poor, poor, Al Gore — But yay World!

21 December 2009 - Filed under A Modest Opinion

Al Gore must be turning over in his grave [Editor’s Note: Al Gore is, in fact, alive] [Journalist’s Note: It’s just a phrase, it means he’s probably really upset] [Editor’s Note: No it doesn’t Natty, you are wrong] [Journalist’s Note: I think we’ll let Google solve this for us - Oh] now that it’s been proven Global Warming is not real. I just hope this doesn’t stop our planned colonization of the moon.

Apparently some genius scientists, with PHDs, over at the UK Climate Research Unit (CRU) had their e-mails hacked by, I can only assume, some fifteen year old kid (who was probably just really bored one night when the World of Warcraft server was down). This kid then, again I can only assume, leaked all their private correspondence online (he also changed all their “Interested In” status on Facebook from Women to Men).

Now I didn’t know, nor care about, what the CRU was until this whole debacle, and, like most people, my basic understanding of science was that scientists spend most of their time trying to build robots that will replace us (and wishing they weren’t nerds). But it’s my unfortunate task, as a journalist [Editor’s Note: Natty isn’t really a journalist], to let you know that these leaked e-mails have nothing to do with robots and everything to do with the weather, or something else that no one cares about.

I felt it my journalistic obligation to wade through all the e-mails, until I realized that there was over 60 GB’s worth, so instead I just searched the web for some snippets (I’m all for research, and journalistic integrity, but Glee was on). Nothing really jumped out at me at first. Yes there was talk of using tricks to alter the data, ousting scientists who didn’t agree with their findings, not submitting to peer reviewed journals, and destroying old data, and this has some people up in arms. But to me it just seems like normal everyday scientific practice (science isn’t an exact science).

I was about to give up on this becoming interesting, or worth writing about, until I found this quote, buried in one of the e-mails, from highly accredited climate change scientist Ben Santer: “Next time I see Pat Michaels at a scientific meeting, I’ll be tempted to beat the crap out of him. Very tempted.”

Ben Santer isn’t a man who spent the last 30 years altering data to make it seem like Global Warming was a man-made occurrence. No, Ben Santer is a man who is so passionate about the ever looming threat of a melting world that he is willing to, literally, beat the fear of Global Warming into someone.

To some this whole incident is a slight against the validity of science and scientists but, in my journalistic opinion [Editor’s Note: Again, Natty is not really a journalist], it’s a blessing in disguise. Proof that Global Warming is no longer, and never was, an issue, combined with the fact that we will be living on the moon in 2020, is the best news mankind has ever received. Think about all the money we are going to save now that we don’t need recycling programs, to develop alternative fuels, or even continue to research whether or not global warming is an issue. Because it isn’t an issue, as these vague personal emails have now proven.

Now, since we’re done with all this speculative science, can we please get back on track so the Moon base is ready for 2020?

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Originally run in The Flying Shingle (12/18/2009)

2009-12-21  »  admin